Listen. A romantic relationship is not the place to find or experience love, or the most love in your life. Nope. The place where love exists most profoundly in your life is inside of YOU!
The environment of your inner life must be your safe space. Only after you can feel at home there can you truly enjoy the shelter of love between you and your partner. But how do we do this? It’s all a process, and sometimes we will fail at it. But keeping to these practices below can help you maintain and grow and emotional health that is absolutely essential for any healthy relationship. Keep reading for 3 things I have learned to practice to keep my sanity while in a relationship.
Get Clear on Your Own Values
How do you know when someone crossed a line with you, if you don’t know where the line is? The best thing you can do for your “heart health” is to know what’s inside your own heart. Some people really value faith, others community, others knowledge. There are hundred of values in the world. If you’ve never stopped to ponder what values you hold most dear before, ask yourself: “What things make life worth living?”
Understanding, owning, and living out your own, personal values gives your emotions a sense of clarity and meaning. Values give your life direction and purpose. Living inside the shelter of these values helps each of us to live lives that go beyond the everyday. If you want true love, to thine own self be true first.
I see others holding onto their relationships because they want their relationship to be THE meaning and purpose of their life. That is too much pressure for any relationship to survive, let alone thrive. Don’t look to your partner to make you happy. Get happy and feel good in your life before you turn towards your partner to share all that goodness that’s stored up inside of you!
Do What Refreshes You
A healthy relationship is not healthy in and of itself. A healthy relationship is only as healthy as the people inside the relationship. Keeping your own individuality is as important as that cultivated connection between you and your partner.
Plan dates with yourself, and partake in pass times and play that bring you joy. This can be as simple as taking a trip to the grocery store with your headphones blaring, or spending time at your kitchen table drawing and doodling. You might need morning jog alone, or time in a good book. Do you boo. Yes, for real.
*This is self-care. And we all know that you can only take care of others, and love them to the same degree you can love or honor yourself.
Take a Take Out
Can I just be honest? Some times I just want to be alone. People get under my skin, they drive me crazy, they piss me off. Maybe you work with your significant other, maybe you don’t. Either way, it’s crucial to spend even a few minutes away from your partner. Why? Because partnership requires collaboration. Better collaboration comes from diversity. Spending too much time together can easily trap the both of you in the same old patterns of thought or routine.
Give yourself time to be sharpened and grown independently. When you do, chance are you will both enhance your relationship when you come back together.
The Goal is Not to Be Together All the Time
The goal is to be the best kind of together when you are together. I hope this small how-to will help you reflect on ways you might need a bit more “me time.”